At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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