Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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