I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
