wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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