Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize