So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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