I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
