someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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