Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
