got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
