Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
