4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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