i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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