I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
