It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
