Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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