I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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