So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
