It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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