There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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