grandma shit on top of the toilet
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
