After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
