I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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