Jerry, you need to find god
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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