it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize