Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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