Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had sex on a roof
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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