Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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