I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
