I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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