Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
