Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
