did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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