it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
