why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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