A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
