textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
