Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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