I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
