Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
