The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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