Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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