Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
