you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
