WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
