This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
