she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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