who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
