i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
