Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
