I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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