I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
3pm strippers are depressing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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