Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
