Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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