I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
