i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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