If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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