wakey wakey hands off snakey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
