hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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