I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
