but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The air taste purple.
Randomize
