I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Girls should come with a carfax report
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
