You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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