Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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