I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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