If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
