In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
