you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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