so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
