She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
