I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
