Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
