I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
