What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
