Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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