Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
