Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
