It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize