explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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