the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
