I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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