I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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