The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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