Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
