am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
