You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
