after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
