And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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