I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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