I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
