i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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