after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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