you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
