Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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