Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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