i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
