She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
